Choosing the guest list for your wedding can be a task fraught with stress and drama. Who gets final say on numbers? Do you have to invite children? What about long lost relatives we never see? How about just inviting some people for the evening? Will people be offended if theyâre not included in the whole day? Are we allowing +1s?
There are so many questions and many, many concerns surrounding who to have (and not have) at your wedding. In fact Iâm sure a lot of you are now starting to see the benefits of eloping!
The short answer to all those questions is that you should invite who you want to, but unfortunately weddings are never as simple as that. It may well be âyour big dayâ but there are other peopleâs feelings to consider too, like your parents. You have to remember that not too long ago a wedding was pretty much the parentsâ party that they threw to celebrate their daughter getting married. A lot of the major decisions (such as the guest list) for their own weddings would have been made by their parents, so donât seem too surprised if they want some input.
So how do you start to compile a list of wedding guests? Well, my advice would be to sit down and write down everyone youâd like to invite â friends, family, co-workers, everyone. Get your fiancĂ© and both sets of parents to do the same. Then split the master list into two â an A-list and a back up B-list for if you have any extra space or someone canât make it. The final number will usually be down to how many you can afford to feed and how many your venue actually holds.
Having a B-list might seem slightly harsh, but itâs perfectly acceptable behaviour! You just have to be a little bit sneaky about it. Send out those A-list invites as soon as possible (2-3 months in advance with an RSVP date of at least a month) then, if someone canât make it, you have plenty of time to invite someone from the B-list without it looking too suspicious.
Make sure you get some blank invitations made on which you can handwrite peopleâs names if theyâre a late addition. You donât want to have to go back to your stationery designer a month before your wedding and ask for a whole new set of printed invites!
Another big conundrum is dealing with people who assume that theyâre allowed to bring a +1 or their children. The number one rule of invitation etiquette is that if someoneâs name isnât on the invite, then theyâre not invited to the wedding. Sounds straight-forward enough but there will always be people who just assume their new girlfriend or their rug-rats are invited too.
Rather than emblazing âno children allowedâ in big bold letters on your invites, a softer approach might be to include an additional information card which mentions things like directions, accommodation options and info about your gift registry. Somewhere on there you can also mention that due to space limitations the invite is extended only to the named addressee. You might want to call up anyone that you suspect might have an issue with this and explain it to them over the phone as well.
Once youâve decided on your guest list comes the task of sending invitations. These days there are so many options when it comes to wedding stationery that it can be a little overwhelming. The old clichĂ© that your wedding invitations set the tone of your day is true though so if youâre stuck for ideas, think about your wedding theme or what feeling you want to convey to your guests when theyâre first presented with something to do with your wedding.
Finally comes the minefield that is invitation wording etiquette. Luckily these days things can be a little more informal without it being seen as strange. The traditional way to word a wedding invitation would be from the brideâs parents (âMr and Mr Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Sarah, to Mr Mark Jones etcâ) but obviously this goes out of the window if any parents are divorced, deceased or if the couple are paying for the wedding themselves. Managing your guest list can be a bit of a headache, but the sooner you start, the easier it will be. So grab a notebook and pen and start scribbling down the names of those people that you really want to celebrate with and take it from there.
